The New Thing is the Old Thing: A Novice Guide to Old Man Sports

Are you struggling to find peace and quiet? Is it just me or are all of us overwhelmed with information pollution?

Ok, so it’s not just me.

Some of us may be convinced that the noise is what we crave. Our faces hollow with a thousand-mile stares, we look like we have a stimulant addiction, well, because we do. How do we kick or manage this addiction?

Please know that I paused here for a deep sip of coffee and to check my apps.

And we continue…. How do we kick or manage this addiction?

Stop caring. That’s the answer. End of story. I’m kidding, sort of…

You know what I admire about old folks? They don’t care what you think. They do their own thing. They vote. They volunteer. They drive as slow as they need to, after a lifetime of trying to get somewhere by a certain time, they are no longer on the clock. “Sign says 25mph? I’m going 20, suckers.”

Old folks have mastered the one thing the rest of us spend hours on yoga mats trying to do, quiet the mind.

Old timers will tell you about the days before internet and apps for “whatever ails you”. They speak, eyes wistful, about the moments before television and video games became our past times. They speak of a simpler time of pick-up games in the park or undeveloped suburban lots, where they played games of tag until street lamps beckoned them home. They sing praises of the sweet spot of human existence, the time before the information age. Faced with only inherent knowledge of the world around them, and with seemingly nothing to do, their boredom became an oasis of creativity, and connection.

Having just caught the tail end of that epoch, I find myself longing for that quiet joy of being. I long to feel connected to the ground at my feet. Now, to be clear, I’m not trying to free solo granite slabs at El Captain or hike Machu Picchu, not with these knees.

I just really want things to do that will get me up from the laptop or my face out of my brilliantly designed but dumbing me down smartphone. Something relatively easy and accessible. Something an old man could do. Let me introduce you to the low impact, chose your own adventure world of what I like to call “Old Man Sports.”

There are no medals, old men don’t care about such things. There is, however, a huge sense of self sufficiency, a sort of “confidence of an average 40-year-old white male” element to Old Man Sports that is accessible to those of us who do not fit that demographic.

What to expect:

· Some posturing to occur, there might not be medals, but bragging rights is for sure a thing.

· Some camaraderie, but most will be solitary sports as Old Men prefer the serenity of their own company.

· A sense of being a self-made “man”. No matter what “this” is, you most certainly got “this.”

· Occasional long-winded rambles by me as I in fact enter into the “Old Man” chapter of my own beautiful midlife catharsis and am therefore increasingly more inclined to do so. Thought I was going to say “crises” didn’t you? Old men are just on the other side of that feeling. It’s all downhill from there.

Take this journey with me into the mostly low impact, and strangely self-satisfying world of Old Man Sports…